How long does it take to come back?
One of the most important questions to ask.
When you feel afraid, how long does it take to come back?
In the midst of surprise, how quickly can we reestablish a conversation?
If your feathers get ruffled. If you get upset. If you get confused. How long does it take to come back?
Desensitization or acceptance is often promoted as a core principle in many training programs.
If I wave this object, how tolerant are you?
If I expose you to this loud sound, how quickly to you acclimatize to it?
If I do this thing, how readily do you put up with it?
What I now understand is that harmony and connection lie not in dulling the response to an outside stimulus or training dull indifference; it’s in maintaining the aliveness, the noticing, the glorious sensitivity and in this midst of that being able to say, come back to me. And for the answer to be:
Yes. Here I am.
For the horse: If that thing over there scares you, how quickly do you come back?
Is a light touch on the rein enough to establish our connection?
Or have I lost you?
It’s not the “thing” that is the “problem”. It’s the lack of comeback.
Which leads, of course, to the next question.
What do I offer instead?
Have I established myself as reliable and consistent?
Am I a place of peace?
Do I understand your need to react and in doing so, let go of any need to punish it?
What do I offer instead?
How quickly can you come back to me?
And:
How can I ensure that I am desirable to come back to?
❤️ Jane
