Category: Rider Q&A

Rider Q&A: How do I stop comparing myself to others?

Posted on by Jane Pike

Hi Jane,

For a long time I have been comparing myself to a lot of riders, both my age and younger. Recently, it has started to get me more and more to the point where I am coming home from lessons feeling incredibly down. Any tips?

Catherine P.

Hey Catherine,

Thank you so much for your question. Rest assured that this is something that is not isolated to you alone- so many of the questions that I field from riders come from similar concerns.

There is a great quote that says that comparison is the thief of joy, and I think we have all felt this to be true at one point or another. The reason that, for the most part, it is such an unfair and biased evaluation process is that we are almost always comparing our weaknesses to someone else’s strengths, according to our perception. Not only is this an excellent prescription for experiencing a drop in self-confidence, it is also not that useful. Even comparing your strengths to someone else’s strengths is a flawed process; there is always going to be someone “better” than us. It’s an endless cycle with little to no value return.

So how do you break the habit of comparing yourself to others? Here are some tips that I have found to be effective.

Get Specific

Ask yourself what is specifically bothering you about the situation- and then use what you come up with to your advantage.

Is it that you want to be more skillful at a certain technique? Do you wish your had more confidence? Do you admire how svelte and polished they are looking? Great! Then do something about it! Celebrate your discovery as a form of motivation rather than deflation and use it to feed into your strategy moving forward.

Want to upskill? Who do you need to talk to? Who can you book a lesson with? How can you learn those skills for yourself?

Want to increase your confidence? How can you incorporate mindset training into your day?

Want to look more polished? Study, learn, implement.

Take what you feel you “lack” and incorporate it as part of your learning.

Increase your awareness

Most of us engage in unhelpful comparisons without even realizing that we are doing so. If you can catch yourself in the moment of comparison, pause at the thought and then simply redirect your focus towards what it is you are appreciative of, or an acknowledgement of your own strengths.

Often, we are very good at recognizing the strengths of others and not so good at pointing out our own. If you find this hard, again, notice what comes up for you. This can be a really great way of identifying any pesky limiting beliefs, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t have enough talent to do what I want” which might be standing in our way.

Become aware, break the pattern, and then redirect your focus.

Aim for progress not perfection

It’s about progress, not perfection. Your riding journey has very little to do with what others are doing and where they are heading, and everything to do with what YOU are doing and where you are heading.

If you get too caught up in other people’s stories, you forget to write your own. Learn to habitually redirect your focus from lack to appreciation and I have no doubt you will start to turn things around!

xx Jane

 

You might also like:

7 Tips to help you break out of a negative rut

The Magic of Focus 

The uncomfortableness of being outside your comfort zone

Want to kick those confidence issues once and for all? Find out how you can Work with Me. You don’t have to do this alone!

Dealing with “brain freeze” in the ring

Posted on by Jane Pike

Jessie asks:

I’m wondering why I can warm up for Show Jumping with no stress but get me in the ring and jumping a round and everything I know freezes and my brain shuts down! This happens particularly with heights of jumps I’m not yet truly comfortable with. I feel reasonably comfortable now with 1.05m, but
1.10m and above, I doubt my ability to meet the jumps at right stride. It is fine at home but when out competing the pressure comes on. What can I do about this?

Hi Jessie, thanks so much for your question! Interestingly, I was having a conversation around this particular topic tonight, and I was talking about how my approach has changed over the years from trying to apply solutions “in the moment” to looking to work with systems and plans that actually give you mental strength and allow you to deal with any outside pressures and distractions that may come up at any given moment.

There are two parts to it that I want to break up individually. The first and most obvious thing that springs to mind in relation to your question is the shift in focus that you will be experiencing in the warm-up compared to when you are out there in the ring actually competing, and this in turn affects your processes. Let me explain what I mean.

 

When you are warming up, you are primarily engaged in a training situation. Your focus may be on making sure that you are holding form over the jump, or that your striding is correct, that you have your horse in front of your leg; all of the processes and actions that you need to take care of to ensure that you and your horse are jumping to the best of your ability. If you make a mistake, then what most likely happens is you repeat the exercise and you look to correct it. In other words, everything that you focusing on is very much action based and within the realm of what you can control and what you can influence. You are dealing with what is directly in front of you and you aren’t getting too far ahead of yourself.

What commonly happens when you enter the ring, however, is your focus shifts; it moves from how do “I take this jump this in this particular moment” to “I want to get a clear round” or “I am looking to create “x” result”; obviously we may not be thinking precisely those words but in essence, our focus shifts from a very practical, process based platform, to a results and outcome based one. In doing so, we are directing our focus towards that which is outside of our control; obtaining a specific result or even getting a clear round is not something we can necessary control. Feeling the burn, our brain responds to the pressure in an unfavorable manner for the task at hand; on a physiological level, our body becomes adrenalized and consequently the part of our mind responsible for measured and rational thought is ignored in favor of the very primal parts that are revving up to get us out of the situation as quickly as possible. The need to have a good handle on your arousal state- your body and breath control- becomes really important at this point so you can maintain your heart and respiratory rate to a range that allows you to think clearly and easily.

On the flipside, what we CAN control are the specific actions or things that we need to pay attention to in order to maximize our chances of producing the result that we want- just as we were in the warm-up ring.

Secondly, you have highlighted that these feelings are particularly strong when it comes to dealing with heights that you aren’t totally comfortable with, which makes perfect sense. This is where we need to strategy, on the one hand to get you to a level where you feel confident jumping the heights you are referring to (so dealing directly with competency, skill level and time in the saddle at those heights) and then managing your emotional framework so that your self-talk, your focus and the way you are holding and using your body supports a confident mindset. The first is time dependent, but the second is able to be cultivated instantaneously provided you have the tools and are able to make an ongoing decision to constantly redirect your focus to the most empowering context.

I referred to the need to also create mental strength; to me this is the only way to deal with the ongoing pressure of competition, especially as you begin to move up the grades. Practices like focusing on what it is that you want as opposed to what it is that you are trying to avoid, ensuring your self-talk is positive and supportive, and reading or watching books or videos that motivate and inspire you on a daily basis all allow us to update our mental software and fortify us against outside pressures and distractions.

Thanks again for your question, I hope that helps!

xx Jane

Lacking Motivation to Ride

Posted on by Jane Pike

Alex says:

I have no motivation! I still want to ride and think to myself every day “I am going to ride today and we are going to work on something specific”, and then when it comes down to it, my attitude changes to, “maybe tomorrow… it looks like it might rain… I have a headache coming on…” So many excuses! Is there anything I can do?

Hi Alex,

Thank you so much for your question. I know that a lack of consistent motivation is something that many riders struggle with. The reasons behind why this is the case is usually individually specific, and can also trace back to past experiences or negative beliefs and associations.

In this blog, however, I am going to keep it really practical and outline a few “likely culprits” for you in the hope that you will identify with one or a few of them and be able to create a much more inspired path forward!

1. Reconnect with your purpose

Lack of motivation can arise when we become disconnected from our purpose, when we have lost sight of why we are doing what we are doing in the first place. When we are divorced from our “why”, it is much harder to create the “what”, and we need both in order to create an effective, solid and uplifting strategy for the future.

Start first with your why; why do you ride? Why do you have horses? Why is it that you do what you do?

Reconnecting with why you ride in the first place will also give you something tangible to compare your current riding experiences against. For example, if you ride for the pure joy of it, but at the moment you aren’t having much fun at all, you are denying one of the basic values that motivated you to ride in the first place. If this is the case, all is not lost; quite the opposite! Instead, you now know what you need to adjust and alter in order to ensure that those core values or intrinsic drivers are present in your riding activities and relationships.

2. Keep it simple

In order to create momentum and ensure that you are aren’t feeling discouraged or overwhelmed at the thought of riding before you even get there, I would work to ensure that you have a really clear outcome for your ride that was achievable for you and your horse. You can stretch yourself if you feel the need, but for the moment concentrate of creating markers for yourself that are tangible and achievable targets. Essentially, set yourself up for success! The more “good” rides you have, the better you are going to feel about your riding experiences and capabilities. I’m not suggesting that you don’t aim higher in the future, but for the moment make your aim to create momentum; having enjoyable rides with successful outcomes is the best way to make that happen!

3. Have a talk to your future self

Usually, when we make a decision and create a strategy for the future of our riding, we do so from a very reasoned and intelligent position. We have looked at the facts, understand what is needed and are committed to following through with what is required. If we find, however, that the moment we step outside are are failing to put that plan in action, then we are allowing our current mood to override what it is that we ultimately want, and it is in this moment, in this moment of decision that our greatest power lies.

If you go outside to ride and you find you are talking yourself out of it, assess whether this is something that your future self if going to want and be proud of. We have made a decision to get out there and ride based on our dreams and aspirations, and we have an idea of what we want our future selves to look like or be capable of.

If in the moment you decide, uggh, I know, I know I should ride my horse but I really don’t feel like it, take stock of the moment and think intelligently. Think about what it was in the past that led you to decide that you need to ride in this moment and what that is going to create for you. Connect to something bigger than the present moment. Refuse to allow your mood to cast the ruling vote in a situation that ultimately you know you are going to regret later.

4. Make yourself accountable

Create a situation where you make a commitment to someone outside of yourself, and then arrange to report back to them once you have followed through. In many instances, it becomes easy for us to become a bit faffy because there is not immediate consequence to our actions; so no one will really see whether we ride or not, and maybe we even keep it to ourselves just in case we don’t actually ride when we say we will. Enough of that! It’s not about becoming militaristic, but it is about setting an intention and then developing the consistency of action that allows us to follow through. Tell someone your plans and then let them know once you’ve done it!

Let me know how you get on!

xx Jane

Rider Q&A: How much success can you handle?

Posted on by Jane Pike

Q: Hi Jane, I feel like I have plateaued competitively. I just can’t seem to crack it. It’s an always a bridesmaid, never the bride situation! How do I break through to that next stage? I feel like I’m permanently stuck in second place!

Many of us are more than aware of what it is that we fear, but not nearly as many are aware that we also have limits on how much success we can handle. A exercise I get all of my riders to go through is to ask themselves, how much success can you handle? How much is too much? It’s so enlightening what comes up!

The level of “comfortable success” that we have defined for ourselves creates a self-built glass ceiling. This upper limit is predominantly a consequence of our unconscious belief systems that seek to keep us within a limit that is known to us and that we feel that we can comfortably handle. The key word here is “unconscious”; if left unexamined, our habits and behaviors keep looping back around in a continuous circuit, and we are unable to make the kinds of decisions, and consequently take the kinds of actions that can propel us to the next stage.

If you find this confusing, think of it this way. Your belief systems inform the decisions that you make in any given moment, and your decisions inform your actions. Your actions then create your results. If you have a belief system that seeks to hold you within a certain limit (again, this is usually not a conscious decision), then you wil make poor decision, which leads to poor results and the cycle is reinforced.

The process involved to breaking it is to discover the height of that glass ceiling and then to develop a vision that goes beyond it; because we are talking about this is the context of the competitive arena let’s use that as an example. Please note I am working on the assumed knowledge that both you and your horse have the skills and competency to ride at the “next level”; what I am addressing here is your mindset.

If you feel like you have plateaued at a certain point, or you are always getting the same outcomes competitively, a really useful exercise is to sit down and to think for yourself about the level of success that you are comfortable with.  Start right at ground zero, right at grass roots.  It might be that going to a casual open day is something that you are really comfortable with and then you can step it up and go right,  Well an A&P Show competitively;  I am comfortable with what outcome at an A&P Show?

What do I think is possible for myself, and what outcome do I think, oh yeah that is okay!

Now, we are going to leap up to Horse of the Year, and say right, if I am at a big National Event, how do I feel about being there?  If you start to think about well I really shouldn’t be there, I mean that is way beyond what I am capable of!  Then you know that you have gone outside of your comfort zone and just below that is that glass ceiling, or that threshold that you are comfortable with.

Whatever you are comfortable with, whatever your threshold is, the process is the same. Once you have identified that level then I want you to step beyond it and ask yourself, well what would be the next step up from here?

What situation, what environment does that encompass?  What does that require that I do with my horse?  Then I really want you to create your vision as a result of that.  To associate yourself as much as possible in that picture and get comfortable with being there.

In order to create that form, in order to actualize that level of success as a part of your reality you need to be comfortable with that as a mindset, as a thought form, as a thought process.  Creating your vision is part of that familiarization and part of that comforting process that I really encourage you to get into and is so, so important.

Best of luck!

xx Jane

Rider Q&A: Dealing with nerves in the warm up ring

Posted on by Jane Pike

QUESTION: Hi Jane, I find warming up in a busy area (particularly showjumping) quite off putting! Any ideas on how to calm nerves as obviously it’s a situation that I cannot avoid or change!

The beauty of competition and the situation that you are describing is that you know that it is coming, and as a result, you can plan for it in advance. There are two strands that I would pay attention to in this instance; the first is how to create a mental fitness plan that will fortify you against the pressures and distractions created by the competition environment. The second is developing awareness and understanding of the breath so you can consciously work with it to effectively manage nerves and anxiety.

Managing the warm up ring is obviously not something that is within our control; the only thing thatis within our control is what is going on inside our heads. When we immerse ourselves in a competitive environment, the emotions, pressures and distractions of everything around us becomes interspersed with what is going on inside our minds. When these two forces combine, any number of potential scenarios can result. Depending on our mental skills base, what manifests on the outside would be anxiety, fear, or loss of focus- or it could be confidence and clarity. It all comes down to the ability to consistently direct your focus in a way that empowers you and have the mental strength and skills that will enable you to harness the energy and use it to your advantage.

In order to do this, we need to develop a mental training plan that builds the muscles of our mind in the same way that we pay attention to our physical preparation. Just as you would visit the gym, or hire a personal trainer to create optimal physical fitness, creating the type of mental strength we need to deal effectively with competition requires some pre-training and pre-planning. You get out what you put in. Expecting to ride and perform at your optimum without training your mental muscles means that you are launching off an unstable foundation; sometimes it will work and sometimes it won’t.

Secondly, working with and consciously controlling your breath will yield instantaneous results if you are dealing with an acute bout of nerves! Whenever we are experiencing a stress response, we are in what is known as sympathetic dominance- our nervous system flicks into fight or flight mode and we experienced an array of physical and mental symptoms as a result (a nervous tummy, dry mouth, sweaty palms to name a few!). The inhalation portion of the breath is linked to our sympathetic nervous system, whilst the exhalation is linked to the parasympathetic nervous system. Consequently, we want to work with a breath that allows us to move into parasympathetic arousal- meaning we need to focus primarily on the exhalation.

The 1:2 breath ratio is one of my favourite techniques that I share with riders. In practical terms this means that if you have an inhalation of 4 counts, you want your exhalation to be 8 counts. If you have an inhalation of 6 counts, your exhalation will be 12 counts. You are doubling the length of your inhalation comparative to your exhalation. You can use this breath technique as part of a pre-warm up ritual, or as a means to redirect your focus and calm your nerves in the warm up ring.

Good luck!

xx Jane

A bad experience. A break. And now any jump seems too high!

Posted on by Jane Pike

Julie wrote to me about a situation that I know is not at all uncommon; she had a series of “bad experiences” jumping, a bit of a break (in her case a few years) and now she is finding on her return that her mojo and jumping confidence has totally left the building. Gah!

Here’s what she has to say….

I’m wanting some help over coming my fear around jumping. I am an experienced rider and although never overly brave, I would happily jump around metre courses. However, I had a couple of bad experiences and a break from jumping (a few years) and when I have come back to it I find that even the tiniest fence is terrifying.

My thought process the whole time is what will go wrong, such as the horse will stop and I will go over its head rather than thinking about what will go right. As a result I avoid jumping. I really want to get back into it and to be competitive again. What can I do?

The situation that you are describing is not an uncommon one, although in saying that it doesn’t make it any less frustrating or upsetting. In regards to the bad experiences you describe, here’s a slightly different look at it which will help you make sense of how your mind has stored the experience…

Whenever we experience a strong emotional reaction that is linked to a specific event the two essentially become interlinked or anchored to each other. Our minds do this as a short cut mechanism to prevent us from repeating harmful or dangerous experiences unnecessarily. Regardless of the actual outcome of the experience, your mind has interpreted it as threatening to your emotional or physical security (it goes all homeland security on you), and simplistically speaking has stored the experience in the hard drive of your subconscious mind.

If you think of the mind like a computer, in order for us to access specific files, we need to provide the right triggers. In this case, jumping for you if the trigger for the file to be reopened, and as a consequence you experience a negative reaction- your mind is simply trying to prevent you reliving the same experience again. It has your best interest at heart! Given that you have had a significant period away from jumping and left on a “bad note”, your mind has had many opportunities to revisit the file and play the movie of your experience over and over again, reinforcing the emotions. The time lapse between has also ensured that no other experiences have been provided to challenge or undermine its validity.

There are three main objectives that I would like to work with here. The first is to reprogram your association with jumping from one that is negative, to one that associates it with pleasure and fun. Instead of thinking about what it is costing you, or how bad it feels to jump, I want you to switch it around and think about what it is costing you not to jump. Get as emotional as you can. We want to switch the “pain point” around. For example, not jumping might mean that you aren’t able to achieve the goals that you set out for yourself, that you rob yourself of an exciting and pleasurable experience with your horse. Think about everything you are going to miss out on by not jumping and give yourself some leverage.

The second is to create the future in advance. Sit down and write out your vision for your ideal jumping round or training session. You don’t have to think too far ahead- this might just involve you happily popping over a couple of small jumps in the arena. Introduce as many of the senses are possible. What do you see in your mind’s eye? What’s going on around you? How do you feel as you go over the jumps? What are you saying to yourself? What is your internal dialogue as you successfully complete the rounds? Once you have created a picture, live the scenario out in your imagination for a few minutes a day. Visualisation is one of the most powerful tools to affect subconscious change that we have at our disposal. Marinate in the vision you have created for yourself and begin to live a different jumping reality in your mind.

Finally, work to incrementally increase your comfort zone. Look to bank a series of successful rides that you mind can draw confidence and reassurance from. There is no height requirement; start off with poles on the ground if you need too! Remember, your current situation is not a determinant of your future reality; you are just looking to put the stepping-stones in place to build up to jumping bigger heights.

Think of the point you are at now as point 0 and where you want to be is point 100. Between these two points are a myriad of others; what points could you introduce that would allow you to gradually build up your jumping confidence? Recognise that feelings of discomfort will always be present when you are extending the parameters of your comfort zone; feelings of terror mean you have gone too far. Look to move forward only as far as you can easily step back. Over time, your comfort zone will begin to expand and your jumping confidence and capacity can only increase as a result.

I have no doubt with a few tweaks and turns, you will be back to rocking it out in the ring.

Best of luck!

xx Jane

Rider Q&A: Riding outside of your comfort zone

Posted on by Jane Pike

Jessica Newtons asks:

“I am confident in an indoor arena, but outside on a trail or outdoor arena my confidence disappears. I am looking for things for my horse to spook at and waiting for him to spook…which means he is looking for things to spook at!”.

I discuss a plan of action for incrementally increasing your comfort zone in the video below. Thanks Jessica! 

xx Jane

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Rider Q&A: Fear of losing confidence after a break

Posted on by Jane Pike

It’s quite a common fear to be concerned that your riding mojo (and everything that goes along with it!) is going to leave the building if and when you need to take a break. On our Worry Wednesday thread, Sharon Bettany posted:

“I have made so much progress this year with my confidence levels and my horse’s skill levels. What worries me is that I am going to lose it over the summer break and I will be basically starting again when the break is over.”

Sounds like a plan of action is in order! Click the video below for tips on how to manage your mindset and pick up where you left off after a brief sabbatical from riding.

xx Jane

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