Continuing on with our “Showing Up” Conversation! We started yesterday by talking about two different situations that can share the same outward manifestations, and how we would approach them differently. The first are the times when we’re tired and really need a break, and the second is when we’re in a low mood, potentially feeling depressed and our nervous system is in collapse. Seeing we went into the latter yesterday, let’s start with the former today.
I’ll use myself as an example. I had a session with a mentor of mine and we started talking about some stuff. I asked for her opinion, and said to her:
You know it’s interesting. The last week I’ve felt a bit flat. From the outside, it might look like I’m depressed, and if I had to label it, maybe that’s what I would say. But I don’t think that label would be useful or accurate. It’s more that it’s just… enough. I feel like I want to push everything aside and go sit in a field for a while. It’s just… enough. I’m full.
I joked with her that maybe I should retire.
She laughed back and told me I didn’t need to retire just yet. But when our nervous system starts to shift and we start to get more responsive to what’s going on, we get clearer signals about when to go and when to stop. The more open you are in the world, the more vulnerable you let yourself be, the clearer your boundaries become.
The clear message from my unconscious brain that it was time to rest up was butting up against the old programs I was running- and that meant I had some reconfiguring to do. My old programs might have told me just to keep going, keep doing… to keep showing up in spite of myself.
They would have told the wise voice of my unconscious that how I felt was not sadness or depression or laziness. It was my body responding to being tapped out. That I needed to inhale the world again without it requiring anything of me. In this moment, I was done. For right now, I needed to rest.
In that moment, I redefined my ideas of showing up.
Showing up was no longer ticking off my to-do list, answering the questions, making the videos or doing all the things. That would have been showing up in spite of myself.
Showing up for myself meant I called it quits for a couple of days. Took the apps off my phone. Didn’t feel like I had to show up for anything. Just let myself do… whatever. And was fully in that choice.
It was yet another reminder that showing up is about trust. Trusting that your mind and body are always working in your best interest if only you would let yourself believe it.