Can We Start Again, Please?

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In my family, we have a little tradition. It’s not a food that we share on a particular day. It’s not a place that we visit together. Instead, it’s five words that are universally accepted and understood by the three people closest to me:

Can we start again, please?

That’s it.

Starting again takes some big things and wraps them up in a tight little bundle.

What it really means is:

You know, I’m sorry that happened. I didn’t behave in a way that I would have liked to. This doesn’t feel good to me, and I know it doesn’t feel good to you either.

Can we start again, please?

It’s evolved to the point now that the suggestion of starting again is a release valve. It’s your 2nd, 10th, 200th, 5,000th permission slip to make different choices, take different actions, and to acknowledge your wish to do so.

We’ve all used Start Again. And all of us get what it means to have everyone say, yes. We can. We can absolutely start again.

Because, well, we are humaning. And humaning means we are not always going to get it right. And in our messy lack of rightness, we always need the next opportunity to make it different.

We all need the ability to start again.

And you know what, we don’t just need it in our person-to-person interactions. We need it in the way we show up with our horses.

Beating up on ourselves, lamenting getting it wrong to the point of feeling stuck, listening to the voice of the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee… all of these make us believe that the Start Again card is not in our playing deck. But it’s just an illusion.

At each and every moment, you get to start again.

And you don’t have to do anything special other than decide to.

Can we start again, please?


❤️ Jane

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