On Silencing The Parts We Find Unacceptable

“If we silence the parts that we find unacceptable, they find other ways to be heard”.

“The parts we find unacceptable” are usually those that make us uncomfortable or lie in opposition to what we would think of as “good feeling”. We are trained to think that success lies in comfort, and so try to move very quickly away from what feels like the opposite of that.

For some of us, anxiety, fear, and concern are unacceptable. For others, maybe anger, frustration. Perhaps not knowing the answer, or being afraid of failing, is unacceptable to us.

The thing is, everything that we feel, everything that comes up, is valid and has something to say, be it unfinished links of activation in our nervous system seeking completion or signal from our internal GPS system to pay attention to what’s in front of us. If we suppress, ignore or brush it off, the feeling doesn’t go away. As the quote says, it just finds other ways to be heard.

Ignore the warning bells of anxiety in the earlier stages and it does not go away. Left long enough, it becomes panic, or we find ourselves in an unhealthy situation and ask, how did I get here?

Ignore the first flush of anger and it doesn’t go away. Left long enough, it becomes rage.

Ignore the fact that you are unwilling to fail, and you become limited and defensive.

Ignore the expressions of discomfort, unease or concern from your horse and they become resistance at best, a buck, a rear or a bolt.

“If we silence the parts that we find unacceptable, they find other ways to be heard”.

Giving how you feel a voice doesn’t mean acting it out in ways that are harmful or stunt your progress. It doesn’t mean allowing the energy of the experience to become bigger than your body. It just means that how you feel is valid. It’s your mind, hearts and intuitions way of alerting you to things that need to be taken care of to navigate the moment, or a call from your body to allow for a corrective emotional experience.

Anxiety calls us to prepare.

Anger calls us to check our boundaries and to connect to our backbone.

Not being willing to fail calls us to reconnect with our intrinsic worth.

Which all have nothing and everything to do with horse training.


❤️ Jane

Mindset, movement & nervous system awareness: The Confident Rider Online Program. You can check it out here 👇🏻