Boundaries- your ability to recognize a need for them, to create them, and to hold them- is always an interesting discussion. As with everything, there are direct correlations between all of these skills and the adaptability of our nervous system… so while we might think that any talk of boundaries is limited to our mindset and our ability to discern what’s what, the truth is that’s very far from the case.
On a physiological level, in order for me to be able to create appropriate boundaries, my fascial system needs to be hydrated, elastic, and tense. I literally and metaphorically need to be able to hold my own integrity, so that I don’t collapse or become rigid when my body comes into relationship with something or someone else.
If my fascia is working as it should, my internal valve systems- the internal mechanisms of my body responsible for controlling fluid and air pressure in parasympathetic- are pumping and active, allowing my body to have vibration and resonance. Without this, I am reliant on the energy of others to maintain my own level of internal energetic activity, leading to dependence and reliance- the terrible two that work in opposition to every healthy boundary.
When my body and nervous system are able to maintain autonomy in this way, now I have to be vulnerable enough to create a boundary and ultimately be willing to lose.
Boundaries are all about offering choices. They are saying to another human or to your horse, these are the choices as I see them in this situation, and you are free to choose from them.
In offering that choice, we are aware that their choice may not line up with what we want. Here is the vulnerability.
And in line with those choices, we understand ourselves as the change agent. We don’t expect anything or anyone else to change for us; we are the ones who take action.
We say, here are your choices and this is how we will respond in accordance with those choices.
Boundaries require integrity on every level and the ability to give over power- the power of choice to someone or something else. This is the freedom.
And from there, we are strong enough to stand strong and open, knowing that our willingness to lose is ultimately what allows us to truly win.