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You’re listening to Episode 29 of the Confident Rider podcast with Jane Pike.

00:17

Hello fabulous human. It feels actually quite relaxing at the moment. I’ve been running around like

a headless chicken over the course of this entire day- actually, let’s just rewind that over the

course of the entire week it feels like, and it is not how I planned this week to go! In my mind, I was

easeful and graceful and I was organised and things were flowing, but unfortunately, that has not

materialised in this case. So Monday of this week, I got back from Equidays, and I spent the five

days prior I think, four days maybe I got out there on the Thursday before. So Friday, Saturday,

Sunday was Equidays, and I was presenting seminars each of those days. And then the rest of the

time, I’m not actually sure what I was doing. The irony is I feel like I’m much busier at home, like I

do a whole lot more stuff at home but for whatever reason, just the amount of peopling that it

was involved and the excitement and my shiny object syndrome that was getting distracted by all

the different settles and bridles, and saddle pads and beautiful things that we can purchase, such

as boots…I did buy a pair of boots. That was planned mind you, so I feel hundred percent aligned

with that purchase. I’ll show you pictures soon. But for whatever reason, I was completely

knackered when I got home. The reason that I’m telling you this story is not to share the fact that

I was tired when I got back

01:56

which in and of itself is quite a dull fact to share with you, but that I actually recorded the

seminar presentation. So on Friday, I did one that was all about mental preparation for

competition; Saturday was about returning from injury and then Sunday was cultivating

confidence. Today I had planned to share the Cultivating Confidence session with you, however,

what I didn’t do was check the right setting on my audio recorder and those three seminars are,

well, you can hear me but I’m kind of like a distant voice. So I’ve listened back to it and decided

that’s not the way we’re going to roll for this particular session. And I’m taking it that the reason

for that is because there’s something more important that needs to be shared today.

02:42

Why I feel like it’s like headless chicken at the moment is because tomorrow I’m going to a clinic

with Warwick Schiller and I’m taking two of my horses. I’m taking Dee and Nadia, super excited

about that. And I think if I have the presence of mind and the energy to do so I’m going to do it on

the road podcast, so stay tuned for that one. But when I got back, my little boy Tommy was sick,

so it’s just been kind of a comedy of errors getting everything done.

03:08

So today, what we’re going to talk about is being attached to the story that you’re telling yourself,

and also the need to actually seek relief rather than solutions in some circumstances. Now, I

thought about the Cultivating Confidence seminar that I did on the Sunday and what it was that I

wanted to draw from that to share with you, but that’s also been highlighted or magnified, I

guess, because for whatever reason, over the last couple of days, I have been tagged a number of

posts on Facebook that have had similar shared themes. And those shared themes are people

feeling pretty down and out. Either they are in a situation where they’re feeling like they need to

give up or they’re super nervous and and just can’t seem to get on top of it, or there’s a huge fear

element involved to them doing what it is that they want to do with their riding.

04:07

Now in one particular post that I was drawn into, I felt really heartbroken by the language used

and I also felt quite heartbroken by another one that I read because I do take these things quite

personally. And the reason for that is because I know that there’s another way, I guess I’m in this

position that most people aren’t in that I see the full spectrum of stories that come through and I

see my own stories that I involve myself in and what I mean by a story is essentially the mental

narrative that we’ve become so attached to that we are no longer able to maintain an objective

position. So the two posts that I have just mentioned previously; one was a lady considered that

she wasn’t able to ride anymore or had to give up on her dream of riding because she didn’t have

the mental fortitude required, so she thought in order to be comfortable with the myriad of

possibilities as she put it that horses can present. Now, the second person was really nervous

about a lesson, and that nervousness was manifesting to the point where she was considering

how it is she felt to be her lot. Now, again, this is really symbolic, I guess, of a loss of objectivity.

That loss of objectivity is something that is one of the main things that happen when we are

unable to separate ourselves from our emotions as an experience, and the Itty Bitty Shitty

Committee and what it is that spinning through our brain space, and instead we go into a

situation that’s called cognitive dissonance, which is where we are unable to objectify our

thoughts. We believe the absolute truth of our thoughts. And the really interesting thing about the

Itty bitty Shitty Committee is that we often find it really easy to attach ourselves and to fully

believe what it is they are telling us, however, when someone offers us something really positive

or constructive or beneficial about ourselves and what it is that we’re doing, or we entertain a

positive possibility or potential for ourselves also, somehow that seems really distrustful.

06:28

Somehow, that’s something we can’t put energy behind. So you can see how these two things

exists at odds with each other, how we’re super selective about what it is we actually believe

about ourselves, how often that is the negative thread that we have running through our brain

space, and how those two things are simply thoughts in and of themselve, it’s just that we’re

deciding which ones we want to fuse ourselves to and which ones we don’t want to fuse ourselves

  1. So what that tells us at the point where we are no longer able to separate ourselves out from

our thoughts that we have lost that ability to be objective. We’ve lost that ability to create the

intentional space between where it is we stand and what it is that we are experiencing. Now one

of the meditations or visualisations or audios whatever word you want to use, that is in JoyRide,

my membership programme is a five minute meditation on dealing with negative thoughts. And

one of the things that we talked about in that audio is making sure that the thoughts that you’re

selecting for yourself are thoughts that are actually supportive of what it is that you want. Now,

the irony of this situation is that we are attaching ourselves to these negative thoughts on the

false premise that somehow that serves a protective protective purpose. So we think that if we

continue to think negative things, if we continue to put energy and sustenance I guess behind the

negative things that we’re thinking about ourselves, and what it is that might happen in the

future, that that says some kind of protective function, and that by doing that we are limiting the

likelihood of that actually happen happening, which we know is actually a false thought, right?

That is a false some theory that we’re operating to.

08:16

Now, the irony of that is as soon as you position yourself or are made aware of the positive

potential that’s available. So say, I asked you to vision or dream or you know, put some energy

behind things that you actually want to create, that seems like something you absolutely can’t do,

because what if you actually do invest energy and potential in that direction and it doesn’t come

true, then you feel like you’ve put yourself in a super vulnerable position that’s basically setting

you up to feel crappy. Now the thing is about those two situations is that neither of them are real

as they exist at the moment, right? Neither of them are real. It’s just that whatever it is, you choose

to invest yourself in, begins that process of alchemising- I don’t know if that’s a word but we’re

going to use it…

09:04

Alchemising the thought and energy potential that you have into creating something that exists

in your experience. So everything that you want to be possible for you believes with the begins

rather with the belief that it’s possible. It doesn’t end with the belief but it certainly starts with it.

And that is the position that you have to get into where you actually open yourself up to positive

or constructive potential. Where you trust that it’s okay to feel okay. You know, it’s okay to feel

good. It’s good to feel good. And it’s good to dream and vision and think about all the things

that’s out there that is possible for you to invest yourself in. Now the stories that we tell ourselves,

especially the ones that go on loop, really indicative of the belief systems that we have, and

essentially all a belief is is our most practised thought. Now for the most part, you will have a set of

beliefs or a set of stories that you run on a loop. It’s like playing a record or playing a CD- now I’m

really showing my age now what’s the latest version of that? Streaming a song, streaming an

album, and having that play over and over and over and over, and recognising that pretty much

you only have half a dozen stories that have similar threads that you might actually, you know,

change depending on what the circumstances are. But be careful what stories you’re telling

yourself, and what it is you’re choosing to invest yourself in, because I say a lot of people arguing

for their limitations. And you know, when you’re arguing for your limitations when someone offers

you the possibility of it being different, or the idea of it being different, or shares with you a story

about how it’s possible for it to be different, and you come up with another excuse, you loop back

around, you loop back around “but but but but this can’t work, but this is why, but I still feel like

this”, you know that you’re arguing for your limitations when you are defending essentially what it

is that’s happening and pushing that to the forefront of the conversation.

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Now, does that mean that you have to deny what it is that’s going on? Yes and no. It when you

want to create something different to what it is that you are currently experiencing, then you do

actually have to get ahead of the experience. Because essentially, what’s presenting in your

reality or in your present moment is the past catching up with you. It’s a consequence of all your

past decisions, actions, and you know, everything else that you’re you’ve invested yourself in

catching up and making itself known in your present moment. If you continue to observe that and

don’t make any changes to make anything different, then of course, the likelihood is that you’re

going to continue on in the same fashion that you have previously. However, if you can actually

get ahead of the experience, and honour what it is that’s happening, while simultaneously going

to a better place- better is not the right word- going to a place which actually allows you to

attach yourself to what it is that you want, then you can observe what’s happening in the

moment, whilst aligning your actions, aligning your beliefs, aligning your energetic body, if you

like, with the bigger version of yourself with the higher intention of where it is that you want to

take things. Now, this can be really hard. And the reason that this is really hard is because if

you’re feeling afraid, or if you’re feeling anxious, or you’re kind of feeling out of sorts, and you felt

that way for a long time, there’s a lot of momentum that exists behind that thought process, right.

There’s a lot of energy that backs that up. And I think of it like this, say you’re driving down the

road at 100 kilometres an hour. And you been hitting in the same direction for a really long time.

And then all of a sudden you realise it actually what it is that you want is to your right. And so the

first thing that happens is that you change your gaze, you look towards the right hand side, then

you change the steering wheel, and then everything starts to line up in your new direction.

However, it doesn’t happen instantly, right?

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If you all of a sudden change the steering wheel towards the right- don’t recommend this,

especially if you’re travelling along at 100 kms an hour- then what would happen is you actually

spin out. Your back wheels would spin out, everything would kind of go quite wonky, for want of a

better technical term, and you would experience this drift, all going well, until the car lined up with

the direction that you want to go. That is lag time. That change transition between the

momentum that you’ve created in one direction, and the change of direction. In that moment in

that transition, you will experience a shift when not everything is lining up. And this is the ultimate

quit zone, right? This is the time when people say, it doesn’t work or it’s too hard, or I can’t do this,

or this just isn’t me. Because what you actually need to do is firstly, get ahead of what it is that

you’re currently experiencing, so you can attach yourself to a higher intention of what it is that

you want. And then you have to allow some momentum to build up behind what it is you want to

experience. And that momentum needs to get behind your thoughts. It needs to get behind your

actions. And all of those things need to line up before you will experience it in your day to day

riding, or in your reality.

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Now, the reason that it feels hard is because when we have developed momentum along a

certain way of thinking, that emotional frequency has become something that’s really familiar to

us, and it’s it’s essentially set out internal equilibrium point. So in order for us to cultivate

something different to that it can feel really effortful. And the irony is that it can feel really unsafe.

It feels unsafe, because even though it might not be what you want, and what I mean by not what

you want- so if you’ve been fearful or anxious or afraid, or anything which we might typically

associate with the negative spectrum of things, any of those things can actually become so

familiar to us that they become our comfort zone. And when we challenge them in some shape or

form, then what we’re doing is challenging that internal homeostasis point, and really disrupting

that inner energetic frequency that we’ve become really attached to, or emotional frequency, if

you want to think of it like that.

15:47

So when we’re pressing reset in any direction, we need to become aware of that. We need to

become aware that there’s going to be these internal tussles that we have with ourselves, mainly

due to the momentum, mainly due to us pressing reset on that internal equilibrium point, on that

homeostasis point. And we need to allow time for things to actually build up in the direction that

we want. Now, the second part of this is seeking relief rather than a solution. And this is something

that I find myself mentioning more and more, and something that I am actually practising more

and more as well, what does that mean? What does it mean to seek relief or rather than a

solution? When we are in a position where we lack confidence or we feel afraid, or we’re really

we’ve got ourselves into a bit of a negative rut- that has its own frequency, I keep using these

words, you’re gonna have to roll with me today. It has its own frequency, right? So you know, when

you’ve been in situations where you felt really down and out or things just haven’t been good, and

you’re really in a funk, if you’re listening to someone that’s kind of chirpy and positive… maybe

you listen to me on occasion you think, oh my god, like that is enough already. You don’t have you

find people who are in the opposite zone of what you are at that moment, quite irritating? That is

because you are literally on a different plane, you’re literally on a different emotional and

vibrational frequency at that point, and so it is really jarring to come across something like that

which is so much in opposition to what it is that you’re feeling. When we recognise that we can

also realise that in order for us to make the leap from feeling kind of not great about things to

feeling really good about things, that’s going to have to be an incremental process. Some of you

might have heard me talk about thought hopping before. And thought hopping is a process where

we just gradually inch our way towards better feeling thoughts. And that way we make subtle

shifts from a space which isn’t serving us towards a better feeling space. Now, if we were to try

and leap that chasm in one foul swoop, chances are we wouldn’t be able to sustain it. We

wouldn’t actually want to do that in the first place simply because it is too much of a jolt, it’s too

jarring from the place that we are now.

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Now, if you have developed a form of you know, if that feeling that that negative, I don’t want to

use that word that let’s go with it, negative feeling is something that you’ve been rolling around

with and playing with for a while, then actually to get yourself into a solution framework or to get

yourself into a confident framework, if you like- and the way I think of confidence is that in the

midst of uncomfortable emotion, you’re able to point towards resources that help you rather than

resources which actually detract from your ultimate purpose. So let’s think of confidence in that

way. But if we were to think of wanting to move towards a better feeling space from a place which

actually isn’t serving you, sometimes when you’re in that place, you actually aren’t in the mindset

that you need to be open to possibility, to be receptive to the potential that exists or even to be

open to the resources that are available to you, because you’ve contracted or shrunk into the

negative emotion. That’s what injury essentially does to us or trauma does to us. You know, it

really contracts us into a very limited or tunnel vision experience. Confidence, sorry, lack of

confidence nerves or anxiety typically does that as well. You know, we go into that place where

we shrink into the uncomfortableness of the emotion and we are no longer able to point towards

the other things would that would actually lead us out of that space.

19:38

So if you’re in that place where you’re like, this isn’t for me, I don’t think I can do this anymore, the

nerves are too much the anxieties getting the best of me. Don’t worry about finding a solution.

Just find relief for that moment. Do what ever you need to to get yourself into a better thought

scape. You get yourself to a better feeling space. If you make that your sole priority, then what

you open yourself up to is creative possibility, then you’re open to the suggestions that are around

you. You’re open and receptive to the help that’s around you. You recognise the resources that

you have available to you, that will actually help you move to the place that you want. When

you’re not in that place, you are essentially blinkered, you are unable to say what it is that’s out

there that is able to help you in the way that you want to be helped, because you’re just not able

to do that right now. Everything is so contracted so narrow, so zoomed in, that it becomes too

much of an asked to actually break that shell and look out in terms of a wider spectrum of

possibility.

20:52

So let’s do a recap. First up, making sure that you are not arguing for your limitations. Really easy

to do feels like it serves a protective function. Notice if you are attached to the story that you’re

telling yourself. The next thing, notice the stories that are on a loop. We will generally have a small

number of stories that are our favourites, the ones that we tell ourselves over and over and over

again and the ones that we proved ourselves right on. That’s the other thing with stories. It’s really

easy to attach yourself to them and then to prove yourself right. If I want to prove myself to be a

nervous rider, there any one number of ways I can go about doing that. You know, if I want to

prove myself to myself that I can’t do it or that my dreams are too much for me, that’s a pretty

easy thing to prove. Like I can find a number of things right now that would tell me that, you

know, the dreams that I have for myself at unachievable I could say I’m too busy, I don’t have the

skills. I don’t have the experience. You know all those things which I could quantify and justify if I if

I really wanted to put energy behind it. But why would I do that? You know, why would I do that?

Because that those possibilities or those thoughts are as untrue at the moment as the ones that

actually serve me. So if I want to make those true, which ones am I actually going to attach myself

to? You know, something that’s really useful that I play with, I think of every thought that I have as

an invitation to invite that into my experience.

22:28

If I think of things that way, if I think of thoughts that way, I become super selective about what it

is I allowed to run through my brain space. So if something’s out there, and I’m choosing to catch

it with my little thought butterfly net, I’m like, are you something that’s supportive of what it is

that I want to create? Are you something that I want to experience? And if not, it’s not a matter of

actually having to do something that demonstrates the opposite, it’s just that I no longer feed that

thought. I no longer put energy behind it. Relief rather than solutions. When you’re down and out

when you’re feeling like it’s the end of the road for you, or even if you’re just in a space that isn’t

serving you, do whatever you need to do in that moment to get towards a better feeling space.

Don’t worry about having the answers. Don’t worry about even finding the answers. Just get

yourself to a better headspace where you’re actually open to possibility about what it is that’s

available to you. Relief instead of solution. And from that place of relief, then chances are you will

actually find the creative solutions that are available to you. How is that? I think you guys can do

that right?

23:37

Notice the stories, notice when you’re in a crappy space, seek relief instead of solutions. I totally

believe in you. If you want to dive in this stuff into this stuff with me and with greater, you know,

energy, enthusiasm, and all that stuff…. my membership programme, JoyRide. is there for you

confidentrider.online/joryide. That’s it from me today. I am going to go and continue to pack the

truck with horsey gear and make a variety of different meals for my horses to take away. You

know, I’ve probably got all their stuff together and then I’ll be like, did I bring socks or do I have

food for myself? That type of conversation I probably need to have to. Have a great day team

and I look forward to talking with you in the next episode.

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