This morning, when I sat down to write, I fell into a familiar feeling that sometimes meets me when I’m thinking of what to share. My mind runs with the questions that I’ve been asked over the last few days and washes round with a spin cycle of possible solutions, and then, on occasions like today, the lotto draw of exactly which question and what answer to pick is not exactly clear. When I’m met with that lack of clarity, I’ve come to realize that today is not the day for an instructional, but for beauty finding. So, I’ll share this with you instead.
A little while back, I’m sitting in a workshop exploration ancestry, gender and somatics. We are being told to write and I’m feeling a little wiggy about it. I know this wiggy feeling- it’s the one that comes when I’m trying to get something “right”. It’s really easy to feel like you have nothing to say, even though that’s not actually the case. This feeling feels like that.
The thing with this writing is that it’s supposed to be for nothing and no one and yet there I find myself writing for someone… and that someone is the judge of whether or not my post is going to get a like or a love or a laugh or any other measure of approval that I find myself looking for from unknown sources.
So, I ask myself, if you were to give yourself advice about this, what would that advice be? How would you navigate your way around this?
If you were asked to really sink in and examine what it is that is getting in your way, what is stopping the words, how would you find a start point?
And I found the words saying…
Dear child, if you are searching for your own truth, for the start point that’s not clear, reach back. You have may have to reach back further than you realise but your hand will always grab onto a tree root that is anchored in the soil. And under that same tree has sat the child of your past who did not need to spend her days for others, as the others and the means simply didn’t exist yet.
Instead, she spent her day eating the stars.
She spent her day marveling at the vastness of the universe that was too much and too big to fit within the edges of her skin.
She spent her time thinking about all of the extremes, and how the confines of her mind could not possibly hold all that she was meant for.
So, if the you today is stuck or overwhelmed or looking too much to the outside, tell her to reach back. Reach back and begin from that place.
p.s. This photo is from a week or so ago when we woke up and saw the shafts of sun beaming through the trees on the hills above us. I had to pause for a few moments to appreciate how beautiful it was and my husband managed to capture this before the sun’s rays shifted their focus.