Let me paint a picture for you because this little missive is about pictures and so it seems like the most obvious and appropriate place to start.
The other day, I was pulling on my boots when my husband asked if I would like him to take some photos. Always enthusiastic at the chance to see my patchy pony immortalised in colour, I enthusiastically agreed and promptly changed my slightly stinky-this-has-seen-better-days-mucking-out-jacket for a slightly posher version that has less stories to tell should the fabric of its person be blown up under a microscope.
Let it be known that in the last few months, Merc has been going from strength to strength. Every session I am fortunate enough to play with him, his big heart puts everything into it, and what he lacks in natural athleticism, he makes up for with his magnificent attitude and overwhelming and mighty kindness.
Most excitingly, his body is discovering a freedom that is allowing him to find his forward. Instead of it feeling like a transition into trot involved me getting off, picking him up and carrying him into the next gait, his balance is shifting, his shoulders freeing and overall he is gaining the power and strength needed to not only carry a freeloader such as me in a weight bearing posture, but much more importantly, for him to really enjoy and feel good in his body.
My lovely side kick Liz who has been away for a few months and has just returned remarked how happy he looked, and that’s something that I viscerally feel. His body just feels happy- his trotters more sparkly, his muscles more liquid, his joints free to move.
AND despite the obvious progression, there are still moments that are undoubtedly messy. Posture, in both humans and horses, is a dynamic, moving feast. Consequently, Merc’s posture- where his head and neck are, how he carries himself- is constantly changing.
His jaw is mobilising- I’ve never had a horse yawn as we go round even in the trot but Merc manages that.
There are moments when he gets stuck, moments when he he’s figuring things out. Moments where things look great and moments where they don’t.
Why I share this with you is when I looked at the photos of our ride, all in all, it was a wildly mixed bag. Our ride, to my mind, was harmonious and enjoyable, but some of the snapshots- of less than desirable moments in stride, of moments I could FEEL in as much as I knew he was stretching, taking the contact forward in my hand- looked, well, messy.
And I found myself shaking my head. Because even though I have nothing but pride for my horse(s) and how we go about things, I noticed myself going through the photos with a hyper critical eye- and eye that was not my own but that knew how things can be perceived. An eye that did not hold either myself or my horse tenderly, in the truth and beauty of what the photos represented.
I share this because I know I am not alone in this. Social media is often not a place for nuance. We have lost our discernment between messy that is harmful and messy that is just, well, learning, growing, changing. And without context, without curiosity of where the moment was arising from and where it’s progressing too, it’s really impossible to see the full picture.
Many things can be true at the same time. And without the full spectrum of that being available to us- especially if we are new or learning- it’s easy to develop a warped sense of how things really are in real life. A sanitised or ‘influencer’ view of horsemanship that does not hold reality in its arms at the same time.
Learning of any sort is messy. Messy does not include harmful, but in many moments it includes the unideal. Imperfection. The space to figure things out.
And we all need the space to figure things out, and the ability to hold each other kindly while we do so.
