Let’s talk about the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee for a second (or those little voices in your head that you tell you what you can and can’t do). Most conversations that centre around the inner critic focus on solutions that start at the level of the mind.
Think positive! They perkily profess 💁♀️
Remind yourself of your value! They fist pump into the air 👊
Which is all well and good. Except that when it’s coming at you as advice, it either feels like an impossible ask, or a load of BS (because let’s face it, when you are under attack by the committee makes it hard to think about anything other than what they are shouting in your ear).
I, too, used to attempt to conquer thoughts with thoughts. But I’ve since realized well… that’s the tough road.
Why? Because soapbox that the committee stands is resting on nervous system dysregulation. When you are feeling out of whack- hypervigilant, anxious, frustrated or angry- and that feeling has become bigger than your body, you are operating from the smoke alarm part of your brain and not plugged into your higher wisdom and logic (which is happily supplied by the pre-frontal cortex). As a consequence, your self-talk is going to be demonstrative of where your nervous system is sitting and mirroring the sense of threat that you feel like you are under.
Meeting the committee with empathy and kindness.
Feeling into the edges of your skin.
Resourcing yourself to come back down inside your window of presence.