This morning I felt the swirling of anger as I walked up towards the horses. It’s not something that visits me often and it made me feel uncomfortable. Some things had happened over the last 24 hours that were outside of my control and influence and, I could see that it had grated round the edges.
I did my best not to suppress the feelings but to let them flow through. I continued to look them squarely in the eye and said, what is it that I am supposed to learn from you? What is it that I am supposed to take from you?
The answers did not float into my brainspace straight away and although I had some superficial inklings, I felt like there was more to it than I was currently able to see.
I had planned to work with my horse just now but considered that maybe I shouldn’t. Not for fear of using it against her but in the recognition that her sensory acuity was such that I didn’t want to feel like a swirling loop of chaotic energy coming towards her.
As I looked out into the paddock and saw my beautiful horse, I knew instantly that I would be able to separate it all out, to separate what I was feeling now from our time together.
She had already pulled me into her peace.
As we walked down towards the arena, I put my hand on her wither and explained the events of the last 24 hours, and I appreciated her ear.
Along the way, she caught sight of the ram in the paddock to the left, and the pigs further down on the paddock to the right.
I appreciated the ancient memory from her ancestors that told her that they might be of concern.
That Ram, I told her, we hand raised him. He got stuck in the fence as a baby and so he came to us. He’s only at the fenceline to greet us. It’s not about you.
Those pigs, I said, are the same. They get fed here. They think that we are here to feed them. You don’t have to be worried about them. It’s not about you.
You don’t need to be concerned, I told her.
I was grateful that as much as she was a comfort to me, I was a comfort to her also.
We continued to wander, and had one of the best sessions we’ve had together so far.
I was so grateful for her. I was so grateful for the connection, for the ebb and flow.
I could teach her what I knew about the world through my eyes, and she could teach me through hers.
Today, I am so grateful for her.
And then in my mind popped the voice. It’s not about you. And I felt the feeling pass through.
xx Jane
