Let’s talk Jealousy…
Oh, the old green eyed monster! Unless you are some sort of highly ascended being who has never been caught in the wrath of a jealous moment (and in which case I want to meet you and give you a high five in person), most of us have experienced a jealous moment or two over the course of our lives. For the most part, jealousy is seen as something that needs to be trampled on and never mentioned again, and that may be so if the only course of action you plan to take is to let your jealousy fester and become a much larger force de vivre, such as bitterness, bad sportsmanship, or chronic grumpiness. Delightful right?
Like any emotion that we embody, jealousy is just another messenger that is vying for your attention in order to tell you something, and predominantly the message is that you have seen something that you want for yourself.
Someone has won an event that you would love to win
Someone is riding a horse that you would like to ride
Someone is making progress in training and you feel stuck in one spot
Someone has overcome their nerves and anxiety and you still feel unconfident and afraid.
It’s not about the other person. It’s about you. It’s about you wanting something for yourself that you perceive to be out of your reach or capacity to achieve in the present moment, and as a result you feel, well…. jealous. It’s horrible, frankly, and we have all been there, but the truth of the matter is, that staying there and marinating in your little pool of jealousy is not going to do anything to help you except make you feel worse. Nasty!
That being said, let’s have a look at some of the positive messages of jealousy and how you can use them to take the next best step forward.
1. Jealousy indicates you are ready for the next level, that you are open to some kind of transformation
If you see someone doing or having something that incites jealousy within you, reflect on your emotional reaction and ask yourself why you are feeling this way. What is it that you actually want? If it’s to win a certain award, feel or ride a certain way, or to achieve a certain level in training, don’t wallow, get busy. Or better still, get inspired!
That point that you are aspiring too marks your aspiration point. Fabulous! You have something concrete that you want to work towards. Now to work your way backwards! If this is where you are now, and that is where you want to be, what steps do you need to take in the meantime to bridge the gap between the two. And then decide on one step that you can take within the next 24 hours to set you on course toward your target.
2. The only behavior you can control is your own
The reality is, at the end of the day, the most likely person to be affected by your jealousy is you. There’s nothing wrong with feeling jealous for a moment (News Flash: You’re human!), but don’t let it define your future. Recognise it, evaluate it, thank it (it’s provided you with some good insights as to what you want), and then get on with DOING something to get towards where you want to be.
Envy and jealousy is boring really. Who wants to hang out with someone who blows smoke over the success of others but doesn’t do anything to change their own reality? Not me, that’s for sure. Yawn…
3. Learn to Celebrate other people’s successes
Here’s the thing: other people doing well doesn’t mean that you are failing. You are unique, your horse is unique, and frankly, the journey that you are on is yours and yours alone.
Celebrating other people’s success is an important emotional reminder that you not only think they THEY are worthy of the success, but you are also. After all, if you can’t see good in other people’s awesome moments, who’s to say that you will see good in your own?
See the achievements of others as an indication of what’s possible. There’s plenty of room at the top after all!